My Dearest Friend, My Deepest Love
by SingularOddities
Summary: Narcissa did not love her husband to be, it was an arranged marriage, she was a dutiful daughter. A story of her growing emotions, her struggle to conceive and carry a child, the increasing political unrest her husband was orchestrating, the downfall of the platform they had built their future on. Narcissa lived for her family and would do anything to keep them together.
1. Chapter 1

A/N I don't own Harry Potter. Any errors in the science are mine. Multiple miscarriages mentioned.

* * *

 **February 1973**

Narcissa Black was sat in the Hogwarts library writing her Ancient Runes essay. In five short months, she would have graduated. In the month following her graduation, Narcissa Black would be marrying the most eligible bachelor in society. It was an arranged marriage, the contracts signed and sealed, not even Andromeda running off with a Muggle-born had broken them. She had butterflies thinking about it.

Narcissa missed her sister. She couldn't tell anyone that, and she knew that burning in her from the family tree was the only way their family could keep their standing. Bella was intense and preferred her friend's company to her little sister. Andromeda had spent time with Narcissa and not made it feel like a chore. It was Andromeda who had shown Narcissa as a first year how not to get lost or caught on the moving staircases of the castle. How to get around to all her classes. How to hold her head up with pride in the Great Hall, and now she was gone. The loss of her eldest sister was still new and raw, but it would never show on Narcissa's face. She was a Black after all.

Narcissa sighed wistfully and wrote another sentence. Summer was coming, and with it, her new life stretched out before her. In the meantime, she would be here completing essays. She'd be burnt off the family tree herself before anyone thought her a trophy wife - all looks and no brain. Lucius liked that she was clever, liked that she was cunning; growing up a daughter of the House of Black had ensured both.

Narcissa glanced idly around the library looking for inspiration for the rest of the Runes essay. It wasn't her strongest subject, and she privately thought four feet of parchment discussing why the chosen alphabet was no longer used in favour of another, an exercise in futility.

In front of her table, there were two Ravenclaws. A pureblood of a minor but popular house and a girl she didn't know. Muggle-born or half-blood she supposed.

The witch she didn't know was gesturing to her parchment "... No look here, can you see if I draw the tree this illustrates the lack of diversity."

"So, this is the reason for the low birth rates?" her friend asked.

"Yes, you remember I told you my Dad was a geneticist? I asked him to run my blood to map my DNA so we could examine the chromosomes that match his. Then by mapping what I got from him, we could isolate the chromosomes that matched my Mum and maybe eventually find the gene for magic."

"But how does this relate to your Arithmancy? I thought you were doing something with dragons?"

"Oh well I am; only I'm not. The gene pool I'm looking at is the magical one. The birth rates are low and have been so for generations. I know everyone sniggers about the Houses being interbred, but it's true. I started mapping the ways that they are related to find out how small their genetic sample was, and well, it's not good."

"What do you mean not good?"

"The more a group of people have children with each other the smaller the selection of genes are. Your genes are what makes you, you. Responsible for characteristics like red hair or green eyes. They are made up of twenty-three chromosomes. You get half your chromosomes from each of your parents. Who in turn get theirs from their parents all the way back. It's why the Weasley's have red hair or the Black's have grey eyes. It's a characteristic that dominates in their genes which are passed down. The problem lies in the lack of well, variety in the gene pool. The more they stay the course of 'pure' the more birth defects and failed pregnancies they will have. The more diverse the gene pool, the more diverse the genes, reducing the likelihood of birth defects and miscarriage and infant mortality in a broad sense."

"But won't it dilute the magic, my Mum…"

"Has never heard of genetics. If purebloods have children with half-bloods or Muggleborn the genes won't dilute, there's no such thing. It's twenty-three chromosome pairs nothing else. What you will find is that the familiar traits such as blonde hair or blue eyes would become less common. But do you want healthy magical children or clones? Because the clones are what are killing the magical communities."

"But still, I thought you were doing dragons."

"My Arithmancy professor is a pureblood who can trace her lineage back to the 1400's. What do you think she would say if I handed her an extra credit project that detailed why her chances of having a healthy magical child were less than one in ten."

"What, really? Merlin, you can't hand that in!"

"The numbers don't lie, look." She tapped her wand on something Narcissa couldn't see and a perfectly solved equation span slightly above the two witches.

"That's why I've changed everything to dragons, the numbers are sound, it's true for dragons as much as anyone."

"What are you going to do with it, though? You've been working on this for years."

"Take it to St Mungo's. I've got my apprenticeship sorted with them, if I help just one person then it will be worth it."

"You want to help the pureblood keep the power they use to treat you as less?" her companion asked sceptically

"No one deserves to go through a miscarriage let alone as many as some of them do, and death in childbirth is still happening. Snotty pureblood or not."

Narcissa stopped listening, she hadn't understood most of what they had been discussing, but she'd heard the highlights. She knew of the problems of producing an heir that some of the pureblood families had. Lucius himself was an only son, and his parents had been in their forties when he'd been born.

Narcissa shook herself. It didn't matter what the Muggleborn said, she would be fine. She would have children with Lucius, and they would be beautiful. She packed up her things giving up on the essay, for now, she'd come back to it. She wanted to be anywhere but here listening to these witches tell her she wouldn't be able to have healthy children, wouldn't be able to fulfil the duty of a pureblood wife.

It was an arranged marriage, but that didn't mean love couldn't develop. Lucius liked her, that was a start, and she'd be a good wife. She'd learn to love him and him her, and they would have happy, healthy children, they would.


	2. Chapter 2

**February 1974**

Narcissa was stood in the ballroom on Lucius' arm. These things were interminable, and she'd rather be dancing with her husband. They'd been married six months, and she admitted that her admiration for him might be growing into something more. It gave her a case of the butterflies wholly different to those she had before her wedding.

Then she'd been nervous, unsure of her role. Now she was sure, she was the consummate society wife. She came to these lacklustre parties, listened with interest to dull people, made intelligent conversation and collected gossip on anyone that could be added to Lucius' stable of contacts. She subtly guided the wives of her husband's peers, who had naturally deferred to her due to rank, and made nice with the battle axes of her mother's generation by never ever deviating from the proper pureblood mannerisms drilled into her from birth.

It was exhausting.

But at home in the time when they were alone. When it was just them, the formality they lived their lives by relaxed. Comfortable enough that Lucius would choose a seat on the sofa next to her without invitation. He would linger over his morning tea at breakfast until she was finished rather than sweep from the room and leave her as her father did to her mother. No, she thought, her relationship with Lucius was developing, and she liked it.

It was intense being the sole object of attention from a man like Lucius. He was a predator, and it was visible in his every movement. It spoke to her on a level so deep it was instinctual. She knew that he was hers and she was his, and she exulted in the feeling, the jealous looks and the respect it automatically demanded.

The man in front of her was burbling about a dragon breeding program, it tickled something in the back of her brain, but she couldn't think what it might be.

"…But the results if proved would be a great boon. We've seen a few problems in the wild herds, and this research could give us a way to correct it. Then we can strengthen the herds! It really would be a fascinating opportunity. Once the funding is in place, it would allow…."

Oh, there you go, she thought. That's why we're here. The 'I've had a good idea but no way to get it off the ground' speech. Honestly, these people acted like they didn't hear this from everyone at these events.

He was still talking, but she tuned him out again glancing round the ballroom. The Parkinson's were here somewhere, and she was keen to avoid Posey. The woman had no grace or subtlety about her. How she'd managed seven years in the Snake Pit without a little rubbing off on her, Narcissa would never know.

Lucius shifted subtly under her arm, he was getting tired of their companion. Time to step in then, she waited for a pause in the man's monologue mentally rolling her eyes at him. If they were going to invest, he'd have had the funds by now if only to shut him up.

"My Lord Husband," Narcissa said. "I do think Mr," she searched her memory. "Worth has an excellent proposal. I do so love my dragon skin boots you bought me while we were in Paris. If he can strengthen his herds and breed more dragons, why think of the variety that would afford you when shopping." Narcissa sent Mr Worth a dazzling smile.

He looked at her mouth gaping, before muttering a quiet confused. "Quite, Lady Malfoy. If you will excuse me I've just spotted …." he trailed off and with a short bow turned and disappeared into the crowd.

"Oh," she said guilelessly. "Well, shall we dance Lord Husband?"

Lucius led her to the dance floor with a smirk playing on his lips. He turned her into his arms and led her in the formal waltz. He looked down at her fondly. "My good Lady wife I believe you frightened the rabbits on purpose."

"Nonsense," she responded spiritedly. "I think Mr Worth had an excellent point. Unfortunately, it came in the first five minutes."

Lucius raised an eyebrow and spun her out away from him. "And the other fifteen minutes of his conversation?"

"Well, I wouldn't say he belaboured his point as he seemed to lose it quite quickly. But think my Lord husband, wouldn't Chinese red dragon skin make such a beautiful pair of dancing shoes."

He threw back his head and laughed in a rare showing of genuine emotion while never once deviating from the movement of the dance. She smiled a polite society smile but inside she was glowing. She did that. She made him laugh and look at her in that way, fondness in his eyes.

"Then Madame if it is what you wish I shall not rest until I can place a pair upon your feet."

Narcissa nodded demurely at him. "As my Lord husband says, so it shall be."

The rest of the evening passed pleasantly, they danced some more and spoke to more people than Narcissa cared to think about. All the while, when she caught his glance, it would be warm and soft. Making her insides melt, her breath catch, and her heart hope for something it hadn't dared hope for before.

Once home in the sitting room, they rested, enjoying a night cap together before they separated. But he sat next to her talking honeyed words, and she sat enraptured. Listening as he compared her hair to silk, her eyes to stars. He started pulling the pins out that had held her hair all night, and she blushed. As much at the impropriety of such a thing happening in the sitting room, as the flush on her face could be blamed for the curling warmth low in her stomach. Heating her blood, widening and darkening her eyes.

He'd led her to her chamber and had used all the power of his magnetism on her. It hadn't been like this on her wedding night. Then he'd been gentle, patient and kind. Treating her inexperience as a gift, she was bestowing and he the unworthy recipient.

In the times since they had come together, she'd never been sure that he wanted her. Not in the way described in the books her dorm mates had shared around. She had thought it might be a sense of duty. He'd been a gentle lover, considerate of her needs, making sure she enjoyed the act itself, but it hadn't been the heat of passion, the abandonment of wills and senses she'd read about.

This night, however, this night, her breath was short. Her heart beat was quick, and her brain was screaming that this, this, was why you had to be careful what you wished for. Because this man in front of her with the predatory gaze devouring her, and his voice whispering promises of sin, had her captivated.

Narcissa was yearning, aching in a way she didn't know she could and as the last wisps of her logic vanished into the roar of desire, she knew three things. She knew she loved him. She knew she never wanted the bland tepid lovemaking she'd had before, and she never ever wanted to leave this man's bed to sleep alone again.

A week later she walked into their shared bedchamber to find a gaily wrapped box on the bed addressed to her. Curious she pulled the ribbons free and lifted the lid. Nestled in the tissue were a pair of Chinese red dragon skin heels.


	3. Chapter 3

**May 1974**

Narcissa was slumped beside her bed. Moppet, her elf from childhood, was gently wiping her brow with a damp cloth.

"Mistress needs to get up."

"I can't Moppet, I'll just be sick again, can you ask Lucius to send for a healer."

"Mistress doesn't need a healer."

"I'm sick Moppet that's exactly what I need."

"Mistress isn't sick."

"Moppet you're a good elf, but have you been in the wine cellar again? Clearly, I'm sick," Narcissa snapped.

"Mistress isn't sick," the elf said stubbornly then glanced quickly down at Narcissa's abdomen then back up at her Mistresses face.

Narcissa caught the look. "You think...?"

"Moppet shouldn't say! Moppet is a bad elf!" The elf pulled her ears downwards in distress.

"Moppet stop it! I need your help, stop it." Narcissa grabbed the skinny arms of the elf to stop her pulling her ears. "I need the charm to be sure, but I don't know it. Can you find a book in the library for me Moppet?"

Moppet looked at her Mistress and nodded once before vanishing. Narcissa pulled her weak, trembling body onto her bed, fighting the roiling nausea she could feel. She'd never been one of these swarthy types that never got ill. She wasn't sickly, but she was aware that when she did get sick, it usually knocked her for six. A common cold not treated by Pepper Up potion straight away would linger in her sinuses making her head ache for a few days before disappearing. Nausea had been going on for two days so far, and if Moppet were right, that she was pregnant, then she would be in for a world of trouble.

Oh for the love of Circe! They had that hateful Ministry fundraiser on Saturday. How was she going to stand in a room full of dignitaries and keep herself from throwing up on someone's shoes? Narcissa shuddered in reflex at the shame and horror of the idea. Determinedly she straightened her shoulders, pushing back as her stomach tried for rebellion. She would do it, it was three days away. Moppet would be able to find something to help with nausea and not hurt the baby.

Oh, Merlin the baby!

She might be pregnant!

She wasn't ready to be pregnant, she couldn't be a mother. Be responsible for another person solely dependent on her, were they insane?

Moppet reappeared breaking her out of her mounting hysteria. Taking the book the elf proffered, Narcissa flicked through locating the right page. She read the instructions, then re-read them. Then practised with her wand pointing at the bathroom door, then did it again pointing at herself without channelling her magic. Then she put her wand down. She couldn't do it, she wasn't pregnant. She couldn't be.

Not that they hadn't had sex, they had. Since that night at the ball with the dragon breeder, something had changed between them, and she hadn't slept alone since. They weren't at it every night, but she had found she had a need for something. Something she hadn't been aware of and Lucius was a very passionate and generous lover. He fed her need, and it returned hungrier than ever.

It was a vicious cycle she thought, with no downsides. Well, maybe one.

She looked at her wand, she was putting it off. Wanting to be just sick and wanting to be pregnant in equal measure. She wasn't sure if she could handle the answer whatever it was.

Narcissa took a deep breath and found some steel to put in her spine. She glanced down at the nervous elf and smiled as best she could. The elf patted her knee reassuringly. Narcissa grasped her wand and without further deliberation cast the charm.

A green light glowed in front of her. Well, what the hell did that mean? She realised that she'd not read the second half of the charm's instructions so intent on getting the casting right. She turned back to the book she'd discarded, quickly reading through the rest of the text. Green. Green meant a positive result. Green meant pregnant. She felt her world shatter and remake itself, she was pregnant.

She. Was. Pregnant.

She was carrying the Malfoy heir.

Moppet looked at her carefully. "Is the Mistress alright? Shall Moppet get the Mistress a draught?"

"What?" Narcissa asked, snapped out of her mental free fall. "Oh, no thank you, Moppet. You were right I am-." she couldn't say it out loud that would make it real.

She wasn't ready for it to be real, charms could be wrong. Well alright, she knew they couldn't, but a margin of error was a sensible precaution.

Her stomach rolled again, and she lost the battle of wills. Moppet vanished the contents of the bowl again leaving it clean and shining. Narcissa didn't know how she could keep being sick, there was nothing but bile left and precious little of that if this kept up.

"Moppet," she said accepting the damp cloth and wiping her face. "Do you know of something I can take that will stop the nausea but not harm the baby?"

Moppet nodded eagerly and vanished again to return moments later holding a phial. "Your potion Mistress."

"You are sure this is safe?"

"Yes, Mistress. Moppet is sure."

Narcissa nodded and tipped the potion into her mouth. It was not the worst tasting one she'd ever had, so she supposed that was something. "Do I need to drink it, everyday Moppet?"

"No Mistress. You only drink it once."

She nodded, magic was a brilliant thing. Narcissa sat quietly for a few moments waiting for her stomach to settle.

"Mistress," Moppet said, "The Master is looking for you."

Narcissa paled, beginning to panic all over again. Lucius! She had to tell Lucius that she was pregnant. She rather hoped that he wouldn't be upset, but she was unsure of the effect it would have on their relationship, and she was loath to lose the closeness they had come to share. She took another breath. "Moppet bring my robe and can you help me fix my hair."

The door opened behind them, and Lucius entered the room. "Are you well Narcissa? You did not come down for breakfast."

Narcissa waved Moppet away and stood to face her husband. She raised her chin and looked him in the eye. "I have some news, Lucius. Would you care for a seat?"

"This is news that requires me to be seated?" he asked raising a brow.

Narcissa gestured to the loveseat by the window. "Please."

He nodded and sat on the chair arranging his robes carefully. She sat next to him and took his hand.

"Narcissa if there is something wrong I would prefer not to be kept in the dark."

"There's nothing wrong Lucius, I have been slightly under the weather these last few days, only I am not sick."

"Narcissa you are not making sense. If you are ill let me call a healer." He made to get up.

"Lucius," she said staying him. "I'm not ill, I'm pregnant."

He looked at her blankly, so she tried again. "We're going to have a baby."

"You're pregnant?" he said in a confused tone.

She felt her face fall and tried to put her mask in place. He wasn't happy, dear Merlin what had she done? He didn't want the baby, and now he wouldn't want her. She started to rise, to be anywhere but here where she had single handedly ruined her marriage by falling pregnant.

"Narcissa, where are you going?"

"I- I'm sorry Lucius, I-I," she stumbled over her words feeling the tears close her throat.

"Narcissa you can't think I'm displeased by this news?" he said holding her wrist pulling her back to him.

"I-, you," she said helplessly, emotions churning through her that she couldn't control.

"Cissy," he said gently, using her childhood nickname. "You surprised me. Of course, I'm delighted. It's the best sort of news. I just- I thought it might take us a little longer that's all."

"You're really happy about this?"

"Yes! Yes, you wonderful, brilliant witch you're carrying our child!" he stood pulling her to her feet wrapping her in his arms. He smiled broadly at her. "How far along are you? Do you need to see a healer? Should you have already seen one? You said you weren't feeling well?"

She smiled at him, a big beaming smile that stretched her across her face. Her heart soared as his matching smile washed away her fears. He was happy, excited even, she hadn't ruined anything. She pulled him down to sit with her again. "I don't know how far along I am, I haven't seen a healer."

"Then how do you know?"

"Moppet actually, then I did the charm. She found me the book in the library."

"An elf?" Lucius asked disbelievingly.

"Yes, I need to see a healer as well. I thought I'd make an appointment today. Do you- that is, if you want, do you want to come with me?"

He smiled at her. "Of course."

Her pregnancy continued into the fourth month. She had seen the healers, been given unsolicited advice by her mother, Lucius mother, and every other witch she had come into contact with. She had followed the advice of the healer to the letter. She had stayed away from drafts, stayed indoors on wet days, drank milk and avoided strawberries. She had no idea why she had to do half the things they said, but it seemed easier to comply than argue.

Then it all changed.

She woke one morning to ferocious cramps clawing at her insides. She called out for Lucius and Moppet between gasping breaths. Lucius took one look and left the room at a dead run for the nearest floo. Moppet approached the bed. Carefully she stroked Narcissa's hair, distress written over her face.

"Moppet, what's happening?" Narcissa asked tears in her eyes.

"Mistress must be calm; the Master has gone for help."

"It hurts Moppet, why does it hurt? My baby."

Lucius returned to the room with a healer in tow. The healer took one look and turned to Lucius. "Lord Malfoy you may want to wait, elsewhere."

"No. No, I won't leave my wife," he said moving over to Narcissa's side.

The healer nodded and walked to the bed.

They lost the baby.

Narcissa spent a week in bed recovering. Then, broken hearted, she put a smile back on her face and didn't hex the people who, with a mixture of pity and condescension told her it hadn't been her time. She clung to Lucius and him to her, both trying to cope with the loss of not just the child but the dreams they had begun to build.


	4. Chapter 4

**June 1976**

It seemed Lucius surprise at how quickly she fell pregnant had been justified. Once the healer had given her a clean bill of health, they had cautiously had a discussion and decided that so soon after such a loss they didn't want to risk it again. She'd taken a contraceptive potion that gave them six months without running the risk of becoming pregnant. It had helped them, taking away the strain of worry that they might conceive that easily only to lose the baby again. They had gone abroad for Christmas and New Year. In the warmth on the beach of one of the Malfoy estates they started putting their loss behind them. When the potion wore off, they agreed that what would happen would happen. They had weathered the loss of their child and still loved each other, they would be fine.

It seemed unfair to Narcissa that she'd become pregnant within three months of her and Lucius spending more than the odd night together when she hadn't really thought about wanting a baby beyond the need for an heir. Now she knew they truly wanted a child, it was getting on for eighteen months, and she hadn't been so much as a day late. Narcissa would have worried that the miscarriage had damaged something if her healer hadn't reassured her she was fit and healthy.

Logically she knew that the political situation was heating up and Lucius spent more time at politicking with those he had aligned himself with. He was tense, she was tense, and it wasn't conducive to becoming pregnant. They had more demands on their time. It wasn't that they had given up, only that they weren't making any effort.

Still, in the back of her head, a voice niggled. That as much as he loved her and as much as she loved him if she couldn't provide him with an heir he might put her aside. He needed an heir to carry the Malfoy line, and she was duty bound to give him one. If she couldn't then he might find someone who would. The manner in which the Ancient and Noble houses put their wives aside put fear into the pit of her stomach. Avery had killed his wife in a fit of distemper, and he had loved her dearly. Madame Zabini was going through husbands like fashion went through seasons and while they all died of 'natural causes' and 'old age', more than a few rumours were going around.

Then there was the political situation. The man Lucius bowed to put bloodlines above all else except his thirst for power. If she and Lucius had a child, then she was sure that it would be heralded as the start of a new era under His regime.

Lucius was gone at night, not coming to her until the early hours of the morning the taste of alcohol on his breath. She wasn't stupid enough to think it was all theory and no practice. She saw the newspapers. She knew the sorts of things discussed over dinner were being committed afterwards in the darkest hours of the night.

If He didn't get total control, if the Order of the Phoenix gathered to roust Him, if the Ministry managed to cohesively do anything, then her family would be in danger.

Lucius was already at risk, they might be targeting worthless muggles, but in going after the half-bloods and Muggle-borns, the Ministry had removed the muzzle from its Aurors. Unforgivables were now forgivable if used in the line of duty, and who knew how thin that line would get? When her husband might walk down the street and be killed based on a supposition and an over eager Auror who didn't have any proof, just a grudge and a ready wand.

Could she bring a child into an environment where she couldn't be assured of its safety? What kind of mother would that make her? She wanted a child, wanted one with every fibre of her being but she wanted a child with two parents. She wanted to bring a child into the world where it would be loved, where Lucius would over indulge them and teach them to fly on the lawn of the Manor. Where war wasn't a day to day occurrence, where death didn't fill the newspapers cover to cover no matter how deserving the victims.

Of course, in typical fashion, the decision was taken out of her hands, and she found herself perched on the edge of her bed not two months later. The differences this time were that Lucius was by her side equally nervous and as of yet she hadn't been sick. Though she was aware that she had only missed her cycle twice, such was the situation she thought more warning would be better. If contingency had to be made, they would need time.

Narcissa gripped her husband's hand, they didn't hide behind public masks when they were alone together. In these times they stripped the armour away that they wore in and around other people. They allowed the tenderness of their exchanges to show in words and action.

She smiled a small nervous smile and saw in his eyes reflected back all the concerns she was so viciously controlling.

She cast the spell.

The green glow made her shoulders slump.

She was pregnant in the middle of a war when her husband could be killed in the raids he participated in or by an Auror following instructions.

"You have to go abroad Cissy," his voice was low and hoarse. "I don't want you caught up in any violence, not while you carry our child."

"I won't leave you," she said the steel in her tone daring him to argue. He dared.

"You will, you're carrying our child. I can ask our Lord to allow you to travel for the health of the child. Go to France, stay in the Villa on the south coast. The warmth will be better for you than dreary England."

"When do you think I would return? When the baby is born and is at my breast? Would that be safer? Or how about when they start to crawl? Or walk? Or talk and ask me where their father is and why is he not at my side? I will not leave you Lucius. This is our family, the three of us. This is what you are fighting for, isn't it? A better life for our child where they don't have to live in fear of the Muggles and the risk of the Muggle-born betraying our existence." Narcissa looked at him her chin raised. "You are my husband, and my place is at your side."

Lucius pushed his hands into his hair, gripping the soft strands. "Cissy, the Aurors, they are fighting a losing battle, and they know it. There is no quarter, no mercy. If they hurt you or the baby."

"I will stay here, in the Manor. I will only go where you escort me in public, where a spell fight is less likely to break out. Those are the only concessions I will make Lucius. I will not leave without you."

He sighed capitulating to her as he did to no other and pulled her to him, holding her gently. Narcissa pulled his hand to rest on her abdomen.

Her pregnancy was kept secret from everyone except Lord Voldemort. Lucius had had to tell him as he took his followers keeping secrets poorly and sometimes it was the last thing you did.

Despite their caution and concerns of the danger that lay beyond the walls of the Manor, trouble found them anyway holed up behind their walls.

Narcissa had passed the four month mark where she had lost their first child, and instead of feeling relief as she thought, she felt more fear.

She worried that this beloved child was being brought into the world at the worst time. By the time mid-December rolled in, and the Christmas preparations began, her fears proved to be founded. She started bleeding, and despite being rushed to the hospital, the healers couldn't save their child.

They spent Christmas attending balls and parties smiling through the roaring agony of grief, and the need to burn the world that would take something so precious away. War or not, the child had been wanted and desperately loved.


	5. Chapter 5

**Spring 1977**

The beginning of the New Year after the loss of their second child Narcissa fell ill. The healers attributed it to the miscarriage and the stress on her emotional and magical state. She returned to the Manor and was told that undertaking anything stressful would put her recovery back. She should be on strict bedrest and nothing more.

Lucius, worried for his wife's health had asked Severus Snape to brew for her to help her recover. Severus, Lucius had told her was a prodigy at brewing and would have her back on her feet and in her dancing shoes before the month was out. It didn't matter he was still in school, he was sought by the Dark Lord himself.

Even with Severus' help, it took until Easter for her to return to health.

Lucius, worried that the loss of the child had taken such a toll on his beloved wife, had insisted she spend a month in the sun. At her refusal to leave him had begged the time from his Lord.

His Lord had been less than pleased that the child had been lost, never the less agreed that the time would be given to ensure that Lady Malfoy could carry another baby when the time came. Otherwise, he added darkly, a more suitable wife would be found.

With the threat ringing in his ears Lucius took his wife and left the country, it was a temporary reprieve but a reprieve none the less.

Narcissa attuned to her husband as she was, knew that he'd been told something pertaining to her that he didn't like and was able to draw the conclusions herself. It was, she thought, wholly unreasonable to expect anyone to conceive a child with the threat of death hanging over their heads. She kept that particular thought to herself.

They spent their days lazily enjoying the break from the tensions that were everywhere in England. The war was reaching levels that no sane person thought could be sustained and the strain was showing on everyone no matter the side. They rediscovered each other, physically and emotionally, taking stock and learning again the things they had missed in the day to day life they lived. They discussed their future once the war was over, of the children they would have. He took her dancing, she made him laugh and at night curled around each other, the dark hiding the tears, they spoke of the children they had lost.

On their return to England, united, they again ventured into the political manoeuvring to overthrow the Ministry at the Dark Lords command. Lucius went on more raids joined by more and more graduates from Hogwarts. It seemed that the Dark Lord would surely soon win this war, and their lives might return to some semblance of normality when fear didn't rule the street, but everyone knew their place.

When Severus Snape graduated in the summer of 1978, he was immediately brought to the Manor. Lucius had backed his initiation into the Death Eaters, and he was to start his Mastery in Potions, sponsored by Lucius with the Dark Lord's blessing.

Lucius had told her to go shopping the day that Severus joined the ranks. He had implied that it would be a male led affair with enough drinking and debauchery that her senses would be offended.

Narcissa was not fooled.

Lucius had taken the mark himself and had not returned for nearly forty-eight hours afterwards. She had been frantic with worry and only the thought that she would likely be sending the elf to its death should it interrupt the Dark Lord had stayed her hand. Loyal staff were valuable, wasting the life of one on a fruitless task would be an insult indeed. Lucius would return, and she would have to wait.

He had returned dishevelled and pale. Both these things had Narcissa shouting for Moppet and a first aid kit before he'd moved two steps from where he had appeared. Propriety be damned she'd ripped his shirt from him looking for an injury. She'd found the mark instead.

It marred the pale perfection that was his skin. The image branded deep and reeking of a Dark Magic she was sure even the most ardent of her family hadn't touched for many a generation.

Narcissa had done what she could to heal it then had taken her husband to bed and held him while the light trembles in his body, that spoke of strain and over taxation, subsided. She'd force fed him nourishing broth and blood replenishing potion. Taking one look at the haunted look in his eyes she'd refrained from asking about the act that had done this to him. Some things were better not relived this close to the event.

So she agreed that she had a luncheon meeting with some of her circle, and had left instructions for broth and blood replenishing potions to be close on hand with the elves. Then in the act of knowing abandonment she'd left the men to do as they would.

Severus did not look any paler when she next saw him three days later at breakfast, though she mused that it would be impossible to tell, the man was rail thin and sallow. She had a rush of motherly concern for him wanting to feed him up. Lucius assured her that Severus was more than capable of taking care of himself but invited him to reside at the Manor as long as he needed to.

If Severus spent any of his free time his Mastery gave him at the Manor Narcissa didn't notice. The men were cloistered in rooms together while she kept the ladies entertained and a steady stream of information and gossip on corruptible officials feeding into Lucius' ear. She sat and drank tea with the wives and mothers of the Death Eaters discussing the new world order alongside the usual gossip of who was philandering with whom.

Narcissa had to admit that the war had a lot to answer for in times such as these. People were living in fear, the Dark Lord had become He-Who-Could-Not-Be-Named or You-Know-Who to the press as people began to fear their friends and neighbours were informing on them. How, she wondered, did he think he was going to rule a country? Was he going to be Minister You-Know-Who? Or did he have the aspiration of becoming Emperor He-Who-Could-Not-Be-Named? She buried these thoughts deep behind the barriers in her mind. They would have her killed no matter how much Lucius contributed to the cause and there she thought was another problem with this regime. If individual thought was to be suppressed, then how was a society to function? You couldn't tell everyone what to do every hour of every day.

Despite the obvious problems, she could identify her loyalty never wavered from Lucius and her love never waned. She knew she had been lucky in her marriage. She had a loving husband, they would come out on top of whatever happened, and they would be together.

Then life decided to test them once again.


	6. Chapter 6

**November 1979**

Fate, Narcissa decided sat on their bed, was a bitch. She was watching the green glow fade into nothingness. She was pregnant again. The Dark Lord was becoming unhinged, his grip on power tightening as his grip on reality seemed to be loosening.

No one was safe, purebloods were being murdered for being suspected blood traitors. _Suspected_. The bloodlines that would produce the next generation of pureblood magical children were being slaughtered on the off chance they _might_ be blood traitors.

She hugged herself trying to will away the thoughts. Moppet appeared at her side with the familiar phial of potion. Smiling at the elf, she took the flask with a word of thanks.

"Moppet is Master Snape in the Manor?"

"Yes, Mistress he is in the Library with the Master."

"Very well, thank you." Narcissa stood and moved to the door, she might as well kill two birds with one stone.

In the library, she found Severus first.

"My Lady Malfoy." he greeted her with a short bow.

"Master Snape."

"Your husband was looking for some sixteenth-century texts towards the rear of the stacks," Severus offered.

"Thank you. If you would, please wait, I shall call us some tea."

"As you wish my Lady."

"Please, it's Narcissa," she said with a smile. "There is no need for such formality when we're old friends."

He didn't gainsay her but inclined his head politely. "If you would call me Severus, my Lady."

Narcissa smiled at him in agreement and turned for the stacks looking for Lucius.

He found her first as she turned around the second set of shelves. "My Lady," he said into her ear as he materialised behind her. "How can I be of service? I fear we are not alone, so your request shall have to be curtailed if you were thinking of viewing the treaties on Giants again?" he smirked suggestively at her, and she blushed. They had not looked at the treaties but had made pleasant use of the small table set up in the alcove, it had been some time ago, however now was not the time to reminisce.

In answer, she silently cast the charm on herself. At the green glow, Lucius' smirk froze on his face.

"Truly?"

"Yes," she answered. "We seem to be determined to bring a baby into a war." A tremor in her voice betrayed her. Lucius pulled her into his arms whispering loving words of how clever she was, how brilliant, and how she would make the best mother. Narcissa clung to him letting the words wash over her, soothing her nerves and calming her worries.

"I would ask that you allow me to request Severus brews for me," she said quietly.

"Yes, yes he's here, come we shall approach him directly." Lucius took her hand and led her back out of the stacks towards the set of desks that Severus was sat at.

"Severus!" Lucius called to him an uncharacteristic smile on his face.

"Lucius, you don't appear to have found the texts but a worthier prize."

"More than worthy, but my friend I have a request to make of you. Narcissa is in need of your brewing skills. I would ask that you provide her with whatever she needs. The Manor's Potions Lab would be at your disposal."

Severus looked at Narcissa, arching an eyebrow in silent inquiry. She nodded slightly and a girlish smile gracing her lips for a moment. "Indeed, then may I offer my congratulations."

"Thank you but not yet," she said. "I would ask you to keep them for now." She looked at her feet briefly, schooling her emotions, being pregnant seemed to make it harder for her to do so.

"Very well, once your healer has examined you I will make up the necessary potion for you."

"Thank you, Severus."

Narcissa proceeded with excessive caution. She told nobody. Dutifully consumed each potion that Severus gave her and secretly hoped. She refused to have the nursery made ready, she declined to discuss names. Only at night, when it was just the three of them in bed together, when she and Lucius would face each other the bump between them, protectively sheltered, would she carefully stroke their child and speak words of love. Of longing and of hope.

Christmas came and went, and still, the baby grew within her. New Year rang in with the traditional ball at the Manor if more subdued than in previous years. She danced with her husband more than was strictly polite and she didn't care.

Narcissa was determined in her red dragon skin shoes to cement the moments when in a heartbeat everything was perfect. She was in love, loved in return, dancing with her husband with her baby growing inside her.

Whatever her future held she clung to the moment and buried it deep within her heart. Fear still lurked around the corner. She had carried a child this far before and further, and she was still childless. So she clung on and harboured a secret hope.

The New Year brought with it distressing news. A prophecy had been made, the Dark Lord's downfall had been predicted. Lucius was unable to provide any detail and loathe to have his wife upset assured her that it was Severus who had overheard the prophecy. If it could possibly be their child, then he would have told them.

March arrived and still pregnant Narcissa began to enjoy her pregnancy. Her baby was well, she could feel him move, and the healers were pleased with her progress. Then as the due date grew closer, the enjoyment morphed into fear once more. Fear that she had come so close and it could be snatched away. Or that she or the baby wouldn't make it through the birth and she would leave Lucius a widow and childless. Or leave him a widow with a child to raise. A child that would never know her, and would call another woman mother.

The healers reassured Lucius and Narcissa that while her fears were largely irrational, they were quite common for expectant mothers. Labour was frightening the first time, but she was young and healthy, and everything was going well.

As her final month proceeded Narcissa admitted with an enormous amount of guilt that she no longer wanted to be pregnant. The strange cravings, her swollen feet, her sore back and constant heartburn, had taken a toll. Magic could not fix how uncomfortable it was when your baby spent the night kicking your liver.

She wanted to give birth and get this baby out of her.

Lucius held his council. He had a Dark Lord and a heavily pregnant wife, there were days when who was being the more irrational was a difficult call. Narcissa's temperament would not be forever, he was as nervous as she as the time for her to give birth approached. He found solace in the company of Severus who took his descriptions of Narcissa's latest complaint in his stride and could be prevailed upon to provide a cure of some sort, even if it was just another glass of brandy.

Narcissa went into labour on the 30th of June. Moppet had found her in her room complaining of indigestion and had immediately found the Master. Lucius had taken her straight to hospital where the healers had happily informed her she was about to give birth.

Once the pain relieving potions had been administered and the labour was on the way she had no room in her head for her fears of dying, only for the desperate need to get the baby out of her body. Lucius had been unable to pry his hand from her grasp so in a move that defied convention stayed for the birth of his son.

As he was brought into the world their baby squalled his displeasure, the Healer held the screaming red bundle as she cut the cord. "Aren't you a little fireball" she cooed at the scrunched up face. Once swaddled she handed him over to Narcissa who greedily cuddled the bundle to her, tilting him so Lucius could see.

"Our son," she said in awe. "Our little Draco." Lucius looked on in dazed amazement.

Once the healer had left, Narcissa patted the bed next to her, and he joined her, still looking in wonder down at the small bundle. The son he had wanted, the child they had feared they would never have.

Narcissa laid her head on Lucius' shoulder holding her baby close. She was exhausted and exultant. She had a son, her precious son, her heart was breaking with happiness.


	7. Chapter 7

**August 1980**

"Narcissa, you wanted to speak with me?" Lucius came into his study to find his wife at his desk writing. His son sleeping next to her, his basket charmed to hover at elbow height, rocking gently.

Narcissa looked up from her writing wiping the tears from her face. She glanced into the basket checking on the sleeping baby before looking up at her husband gesturing to the pieces of parchment. "Yes, I need you to read and sign these."

Lucius raised an eyebrow and came over to the desk. He twitched a piece of parchment out from under the other, reading quickly. Coming to the end, he picked up and read the other, then he stopped and looked at his wife.

"Narcissa why are you asking me to sign over the care of my son, our child, to Severus Snape, and it seems alternatively Andromeda Tonks, your mud-blood loving sister who was excommunicated by her family?"

"Because, Lucius, if something should happen to us. If you and I do not come out the other side of this able to care for our son, then I will not have him paraded like a prize of war for the highest bidder to be abused. Or shuffled off to some orphanage to be forgotten. If we are not free and Severus is and is able to care for him, then Draco will be placed into his care. Draco will go with a substantial trust fund to allow Severus to raise him in the manner which a Malfoy should be and he can teach him the values of a Malfoy heir."

"And your sister?"

"If we are not able, or Severus is not able, then yes Andromeda. Lucius, if the Dark Lord does not prevail then Andromeda is the best chance of survival for Draco. She has firmly aligned herself with Dumbledore and his Order. She may have made unfortunate choices in marriage, but at least she would take him. Raise him and not punish him for the sins of his parents. She would love him, Lucius, if not for himself then maybe for her little sister. She is at the very least family. I cannot leave him defenceless. I will not." Tears started tracking down her face, her heart sore at contemplating not being there to raise her son. To see his smile, his first words, his first steps, to wave him off to school.

Lucius' arms came around her. "Shhh, silly witch. We will prevail, it will be alright."

"You don't know that!"

"No, I don't, but I have you by my side, how could I think it would be anything else?"

The smile she gave him through her tears was wobbly.

"I'll sign your letters, but they will be unnecessary."

Lucius signed the letters with a flourish, and Narcissa put her signature under his. She sealed the parchments with the Malfoy crest and called for Moppet.

Narcissa kneeled to the height of the elf holding tightly to the parchments. "Moppet you are to heed me. If something should happen to either myself or your Master. If we can't return here or care for Draco, you are to protect him. You are to take him to Master Snape and give Master Snape this letter." Narcissa handed the first parchment addressed to Severus to the elf. The elf took it with a determined look on her face.

"Moppet, if Severus Snape cannot care for Draco, then you are to take Draco to Andromeda Tonks and give her this letter." Narcissa handed over the other letter. "No matter what happens Moppet you are to protect Draco. Do you understand Moppet?"

Moppet looked solemnly between Narcissa and Lucius her eyes huge. "Moppet understands. Moppet will protect the little Master. Moppet will keep him safe."

"Thank you, Moppet. You are a good elf."

Narcissa stood and picked her son up out of his basket. He was five weeks old, so small and precious. Everything she could do to protect him she would, she would lay her life down before she allowed harm to come to him. Lucius wrapped his arms around his wife and child. They stood as a family savouring the moment of peace. The war outside the walls was reaching new levels. Something was going to break. The Dark Lord was actively hunting the children that had been born last week.

It was the night of Halloween when their lives once again were rocked. Early in the hours of the first of November Lucius woke her.

"Cissy where is Draco?"

Half asleep she reached for him. "Lucius, what's wrong? Draco is in the nursery. What's happened?"

"The Dark Lord he's gone."

"Gone?"

"Something happened, he went after the Potters. It backfired, the boy, they are saying the boy killed him."

"The Potter boy?" Narcissa repeated, her brain struggling to shake off the fog of sleep. "The prophecy was fulfilled?"

"Yes? No? He's gone Cissy, and now we're on the wrong side."

Finally, fully awake Narcissa called for Moppet. "Tea and brandy Moppet please."

The elf returned bearing a tray, and Narcissa put a generous shot of brandy into Lucius' tea before handing him the cup. Taking a cup for herself, she started to think. Lucius was dazed, the shock settling on him.

"Well if the Potter boy has killed him then they will start rounding everybody up. It's going to be a witch hunt to make the muggles proud." Narcissa finished her tea and poured brandy into her cup foregoing topping it up with tea. She poured another shot into Lucius cup. "Will they oust Bagnold?" she asked.

"Unlikely, she has a solid foundation. She let the Aurors hunt us with impunity, so she's been seen to be proactive against the movement."

"Who do we know in her office?"

"All of them. How many will remain is the question." Lucius was coming out of his shock with her questioning, his intelligent brain beginning to work.

"Well, we'll wait on that then. You'll be arrested?"

"Yes, they won't have proof, but the Malfoy's were hardly hand in hand with Dumbledore. Anyone who wasn't is likely to be pulled in."

"That's good, we won't be lost in the crowd, but questioning won't stand out as anything more than an over vigilant authority checking the door once the hippogryphs have escaped."

"You don't mean to tell me you think I won't be charged? I assure you my Lady wife I was at the front line. There is more than enough blood upon my hands for several terms in Azkaban." Lucius said with wry humour in his voice.

"You don't mean to tell me my Lord Husband, you think I will let you serve one day in that hell hole?" Narcissa answered with steel in hers.

"Narcissa."

"No, Lucius. Your place is at my side as much as mine is at yours." Narcissa turned to face him fully, bringing her hands up to cup his face. "Our son is sleeping safely in his crib. He will grow up to be a prince. He will know his father. He will never doubt that he is loved. You will not step a foot on that cursed island." She lifted his chin forcing him to meet her eyes. "You will lie. You will cheat. You will bribe. They can sit on their councils, on their juries and they can judge, but they will be doing so knowing that we hold their secrets. That the gold in their pockets came from us. You will open the vaults Lucius, and you will beggar us before you submit to the justice they are dealing out."

"As my Lady wife says, so it shall be," he murmured drawing strength from her conviction, from her unwavering loyalty and love.

He was arrested, put on trial and acquitted of his actions under the Imperious Curse like so many others. Some as equally guilty but Narcissa didn't care. Her family was whole, and they would weather the rest. The Malfoy name would come out on top with both of them free and no charges to contend. Guilt not proven was hardly a hindrance.

It was the middle of December when she accosted him in his study.

"Severus has been acquitted." she stated boldly.

"He has?" Lucius raised an eyebrow in query.

"The old goat stepped in according to our sources."

"Did he?" A slow drawl drew out the words.

"Lucius, Go and find him, bring him here. Bring him home."

"Cissy?"

"The Potters, the Dark Lord killed them both before he reached the boy. Lily Potter nee Evans. Severus carried a torch for her throughout school despite the recommendation he drop her. Do you honestly think once he realised she was at risk from the Dark Lord he didn't ask for clemency for her? Would you not have requested it for me?"

"You think he turned, and that's why the old goat stepped in."

"I think a good friend, a man we owe much has lost the woman he loved and should not be alone. Go find him, Lucius. Oh, and if you are writing letters, send one to the old goat, tell him we are formally petitioning to adopt the Potter boy." Narcissa said offhandedly.

"We are?"

"Why yes, we are. He is a healthy magical child with no living family. His godfather has been conveniently arrested, we are, at least family, and you know family is very important to me."

"Cissy, what are you plotting?" Lucius asked indulgently.

"Do you not think that my irascible cousin, who so firmly stood against everything his harridan of a mother taught, that he had himself removed from the family tree, would then turn to the Dark Lord and offer up the people who 'saved' him from his family?"

"You don't think he did it. There was a spy in their camp, the Dark Lord would not have gotten around the Fidelis charm otherwise."

"Lucius, Sirius is many things and most of them distasteful, but he is a Black. Family is very important to Blacks. The Potters became his new family." Narcissa shrugged. "I don't plan on doing anything about it, they have locked him up. Obviously, it is politically convenient to do so."

"So why does this mean we are adopting the Potter boy other than to rattle the cage of that sanctimonious old goat? If the Dark Lord returns, we may not get a chance to explain."

She smiled at him. "He is a healthy magical child who saved the wizarding world, he should be raised by a family that can offer him everything he deserves. If the Dark Lord returns well, why look, we have the child that vanquished him in the bosom of our family."

"It may not suit Severus to have to look at the face of the son of the man who tormented him through school."

"I had heard he looked like his mother."

"His eyes."

"Ah well, regardless, send the letter Lucius, and find Severus. No one should be alone in their grief, and his godson needs him."


End file.
